I will not get excited
I will not get excited
I will not get excited.
For anyone who has had a loved one be redeployed via an older aviation platform knows, BE FLEXIBLE. These airplanes are old, we have flown the crap out of them (by we I mean the military which while I don't hold rank, I fully am apart of), and now they have to make the long trek home....
I will not get excited.
It was about four hours ago. I looked at my clock and said to myself, they are getting ready to brief their flight home. Their flight HOME!!!!
I will not get excited.
I sat their envisioning them. Getting together, doing their brief (which I have no clue how it really looks other than TV), walking to their aircraft, doing the walk around, climbing in their jets and then.....
I am catapulted to over six months ago. Under the darkness of night we gathered. I walked into a ready room, that holds no familiarity for me (my hubby is among those who was moved to this unit weeks before it deployed). It was strange walking in there, the unfamiliar. Looking for a face I recognize. It wont be my hubby, he's busy working. The wives are all so new to me. Which is strange. My husband and I have been together since the beginning and we are in our 19th year with the Marine Corps....and I feel new. Finally I see him and is time to walk... by walk I mean out to the airplane.
We said our goodbyes at home and he drove himself in. He wasn't expecting me. I didn't know how the kids were going to take it and with the late take off, I just wanted to focus on the kids. We chose this life...they were drafted.
We head out of the ready room. Take a few photos and then say our final goodbye. As I write this, it has been over six months...I couldn't tell you what I ate for dinner yesterday, but I remember this as clear as day. It feels like it was 6 weeks ago not months.
He walks to his jet. I don't see him climb in. It's too dark and too far away from where we gathered. I am also distracted...
How can I be distracted?!?!
Because about a handful of F-18s were starting up. It is a sound I have heard, and have missed, and have loved and ironically never hated for over a decade. I hear it, it sounds like a song. It starts off at a low mid range note and drops to a low tone and then slowly climbs up the scale. Its the sound of the generator that starts the F-18. A sound that I have longed to hear. Due to cuts, other issues, things I wont even touch on....I don't hear this sweet sound enough. Here I am listening to multiple generators going off one on top of another. Sweet music. It is the sound of warriors. Heroes. Hours upon hours of hard work to get all those jets up. It sound like FREEDOM.
I don't remember the second cel start up nearly as much as the first cel. First cel cut through the quiet and darkness like a hot knife, straight to my heart. I wasn't sad. NO. Not one bit! I was proud. I sat there in the noise, letting it over take me. The rumble. The amount of power that was coursing out of those jets enveloped me. It was as if the earth was shaking. I realized now that I was getting pretty chilled in the dark of night and I was starting to shiver. It was hard to tell if I was shivering from cold or from shear exhilaration of what I was witnessing, or like a tuning fork was vibrating with the enormous energy surrounding me.
Now all the jets are started. I could imagine them going through all their check lists getting ready for the flight. Cel one is the first to depart to the runway. With the blinking lights and rumbling engines. They pull further into darkness. Further away from us.
They sit rumbling at the end of the runway, talking to the tower I imagine. Talking to each other making sure every one was good to go. Then it starts. One by one in quick succession roar into the night. The bright orange glow from their engines briefly light up the night and then following the orange glow into the darkness and then gone.
Cel 2 does the same thing. Wait at the end of the runway and then one by one roar into the night. Then silence. It was almost deafening. I was hoping as a group they would all fly overhead so I could once again be in proximity to my warrior one more time. But they were gone. They were focused. They were on a mission and I was on mine.
I am pulled back to the here and now. Back from the memories that feel like it was a few weeks ago yet a lifetime ago because the amount of living that has occurred. It is hard to believe that it is coming to an end shortly. I am trying to manage my kids excitement and remind them to be flexible. Everything is subject to change. As I remind them I am reminding myself.
How I long to hear that rumble. How I long to feel it course through me. I imagine my hubby and wonder what he's thinking. I am sure he is going over his check list, checking with tower and what ever thousand things they need to do to be safe. He is not off on a tactical mission this time. He is coming home...he is coming HOME. I can't imagine what is going through their minds. Six plus months ago they were headed off to a set of missions. Now they are headed home. I bet they are doing what a lot of us are doing right now....
I will not get excited,
I will not get excited.
jackie
